It's such a burden at times to be a strong woman. Society assumes that because you are strong on the outside that you always feel that way on the inside. It couldn't be further from the truth. Behind closed doors, many strong women crumble under the stress of navigating life on their own.
Yes, I'm a strong woman and yes, I can handle a lot but I can't handle everything. I feel like my life has been a long series of me against the world. I'm a driven person who often takes charge and lives life on my terms. That is empowering but there's a flip side to that. Since I've been single off and on for years, it means I'm a one-woman show. I have to handle everything with no support. I clean the house, cook the meals, pay the bills, deal with an aging dog, and navigate every-day stresses. Then there's the stress of being an entrepreneur. I have to fill every role that is often delegated to many in a corporate situation - I'm the janitor, the marketing department, the creator, the IT department, and the facilitator. This means learning new software and applications that are totally foreign to me. It means bearing the full financial burden and fears about how much money is or is not coming in. There are no staff and no support system or backup plan... only me. A woman living in a man's world.
The people in my circles don't see the tears I cry, the cuss words and expressions of frustration, the feeling of overwhelm and despair, the weariness, and the loneliness. They don't see the moments that I just want to give up and wonder why I can't be like other people -- keeping the status quo and doing the bare minimum, accepting whatever is given. They don't see how this drive to succeed and be a better person comes with a high price. While it's worth it in the long run, in those dark moments when despair is in the forefront, it doesn't feel like it.
As I write this, I am in full sympathetic mode. My anxiety level is off the charts. The screen to my laptop is not working properly and is so dim, the images look like a faint hologram. One minute it was working fine and the next time, it wasn't. I've only had the computer for just over a year so this shouldn't be happening. I'm feeling like a target since just three months ago, my transmission had to be replaced on a car with less than 70,000 miles on it. I take good care of my things so I don't understand why so many things are breaking while still fairly new. The stress of having an online business without access to a computer sent my stress level pretty high. The frustration of dealing with customer service folks at the warranty department who don't understand the urgency of getting my computer fixed asap is infuriating and the extra cost of an external monitor is stretching an already tight budget. I'm capable of navigating this situation to find a solution but I'm just so tired of having to. I feel weary from the heavy weight of responsibility and obligation. It all rests on me. I'm back to that feeling of being invisible and it's me against them.
While things will eventually be fine, they aren't right now. I'm not ok. When I have an intense anxiety attack like this, I get tunnel vision. I'm disregulated and overstimulated by sounds and can't concentrate while sifting through the information to troubleshoot the issue. I feel abandoned. I feel that I just can't get a break. I'm feeling sick and tired of having to do everything myself!
The next time you see a strong woman, do her a favor and don't put her on a pedal stool. Don't envy the supposed ease that she seems to cultivate success. There is no ease or good luck involved. There is a lot of hard work, tears, frustration, isolation and overwhelm. When she says she's fine, look closely. Is she really or is she just saying that because she doesn't want the truth of her despair to show? Don't assume that just because she appears strong all of the time that she isn't. Offer support and assistance. Offer a place to vent and a shoulder to cry on. Let her be the human that she is, and not some perfect goddess that must meet the standard of perfection and consistent poise. Allow her to be vulnerable and help carry the weight of her burdens. Simply accept her for who she is no matter how strong or weak she appears.
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