In my most recent podcast, I talked about stop being a good girl.
What Does It Mean to Stop Being a Good Girl?
First, let’s clarify: this isn’t about breaking laws or being rude or destructive. It’s about challenging societal norms that have historically silenced women, urging us to suppress our voices and needs. Over generations, women have been conditioned to prioritize being agreeable, quiet, and compliant. While we’ve made significant strides in securing rights and freedoms, there remains an undercurrent that discourages women from standing up for their needs and desires. It’s time to change that narrative.
When women assert themselves, they’re often labeled “bossy,” “unreasonable,” or worse. But standing up for yourself is not about being combative—it’s about self-respect and empowerment. It’s about setting and maintaining boundaries, even when it’s uncomfortable or met with resistance.
The Importance of Boundaries
Last night, I had an experience that reaffirmed my commitment to this message. A casual friend, someone I’ve danced with occasionally, crossed a line with unwelcome behavior. It wasn’t aggressive, but it was disrespectful. I knew I needed to address it, even though doing so felt daunting.
I pulled him aside and said: “Look, the last couple of times we’ve danced, your hands have gotten a little too friendly, and I don’t tolerate that behavior. If it happens again, I won’t dance with you anymore.” While he said it wouldn't happen again, he also quickly dismissed my concerns with a denial, trying to invalidate my experience. That was the end of our friendship. His refusal to take accountability was a clear indicator of a lack of respect—for me and for boundaries in general.
This experience reminded me of a critical truth: their reaction is not your responsibility. What matters is that you stand up for yourself, communicate your boundaries, and enforce them when necessary.
The "Good Girl" Mentality in Relationships
The “good girl” mentality often manifests in romantic relationships as well. Women are conditioned to accept less than they deserve, to avoid being seen as “too much” or “high-maintenance.” But settling for less—whether in a relationship or in the behavior you tolerate—only diminishes your own value.
Here’s an example: A friend once suggested I get back together with an ex simply because “there’s not a lot to choose from” in our small town. My answer was an emphatic no. I’d rather be alone than accept a relationship that doesn’t meet my standards.
Dating Standards and Expectations
When dating, remember that you’re worthy of respect and effort from the very beginning. For instance, if a man isn’t willing to pay for a cup of coffee on a first date, it’s a red flag. This isn’t about money; it’s about effort and intention. If a man isn’t willing to invest in you from the start, what does that say about his willingness to invest in a future relationship?
Empower Yourself—For You
Empowerment starts with you. It’s about developing self-validation and refusing to seek approval from others. It’s about owning your voice, even if it ruffles feathers. And it’s about embracing the truth that you deserve respect, love, and happiness—on your own terms.
Here’s the bottom line: Stop being a “good girl” who conforms to outdated expectations. Instead, be an empowered woman who sets boundaries, raises standards, and refuses to settle. Whether in friendships, romantic relationships, or everyday interactions, demand the respect you deserve.
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