I have started making guest appearances on podcasts and am in the process of creating my own. As those recordings are released, they will be posted on a Media page so stay tuned. It's been a rewarding experience because I am meeting people from all over the world who have also had trials in their lives that they have overcome. The experience of both sharing my story and hearing theirs has not only built a sense of community but also has had a healing effect on me.
Some of these stories of my past are quite vulnerable and personal, particularly of my childhood. I'm realizing that the abuse I experienced as an adult is rooted in the abuse I experienced as a child. Trauma has many facets and different types of trauma can be interrelated. Some may ask why would I share such personal intimate details with strangers? It's because as a child and during an abusive marriage, I was told to be quiet and keep what happened behind closed doors secret. Secrets kill - when we lose our voice, we lose our power. Speaking my truth is taking back my power.
I am reading "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown. If you're familiar with her work, she specializes in shame and vulnerability. I have read multiple books by her and resonate with everything she says. Her words have inspired me to speak loud and proud. Specifically, domestic violence and sexual abuse victims are often shamed by society for talking about their experiences. Accountability rests with the abuser; therefore, I have nothing to be ashamed of. I did nothing wrong.
Sharing on a podcast about my sexual abuse is not a form of trauma dumping. It is a pathway to healing for myself and others. There is a time and a place to discuss everything. I certainly wouldn't discuss those things with a stranger on an elevator. Unfortunately, sexual abuse is something that started at a very young age. I was recently asked when it started and I said 13 with my father. Since recording that episode I remembered that the first memory I have is at age five. It's been something that has showed up many times over the course of my life with the most recent being in 2017 with a father-in-law. If we stay silent, we are taking on the blame that doesn't belong to us. I release that shame and put accountability where it belongs - on the head of each and every one of my abusers.
My silence created a prison. Sexual abuse is part of my experience but it doesn't define who I am. Being taken advantage of by men doesn't define my character but it does define theirs. I am choosing to break free from my prison - ironically the very first podcast I recorded with is called Break the Silence. As I continue to speak out on my experiences, the locks to my traumas are being removed. I no longer choose to be shackled by them.
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