I used to be that person in the relationship who thought she could fix the other person. I dated the potential and not the reality. I could see what they could be and thought I could change them. I've come to realize I am not capable of changing anyone. Change must come from within and not an outside source.
Over the past 10 years, I have had massive change. During a hike the other day, I contemplated just how far I've come. In 10 years, I have gone from a mental breakdown and being suicidal to moving towards stability and peace. I still have things in my life that need fixed or adjusted but I am learning to find peace while in the chaos. I'm willing to continue to do the work necessary to become a better person. As I re-enter the dating world, I am striving to be the person I want to attract. I'm not talking about a persona or being fake, I am talking about genuine change from within. If I want a man who is vulnerable, compassionate, and has a good relationship with himself than I must be that person as well. That is how I attract what I truly desire.
I have decided no more personal development projects. You have to have your shit together at the moment I meet you. There are no more rain checks which means men coming back to me later telling me how they have changed. In most cases, this is just a manipulation tactic to convince me to be with them. It is hard to determine if the "change" is a permanent way of life for themselves or a temporary state of mind to get what they want. Even if is true, their time with me has passed. Now they are free to be whole and complete with someone else. Most people in middle age are set in their ways but there are a handful out there who are realizing that there's something more and are willing to explore what that looks like. This doesn't mean having all the answers because I certainly don't. It means being vulnerable enough to recognize that change is necessary, compassionate enough to yourself to reflect on what that change looks like and what can be done to make it a reality, and enough self love to stay the course when the going gets rough. While navigating the dating world, I'm not looking for perfection, I'm looking for intention and action.
As you think about the qualities you seek in your family, friends or lovers, also look inside yourself to see if those qualities also reside within you. If you want to attract a healthy person, you have to be what they are looking for. In addition, being healthy within yourself will help you to sift through the minefield of relationships and make better choices.
Comments